Mean Shakespeare Quotes

Category: Funny

February 2

Groundhog Day

For every trifle are they set upon me…
like hedgehogs which
Lie tumbling in my barefoot way and mount
Their pricks at my footfall.

–The Tempest,
Act II, Scene ii
February 1

Wintry Scowl

You have such a February face,
So full of frost, of storm, and cloudiness.

–Much Ado About Nothing,
Act V, Scene iv
January 30

Disordered

In his brain,
Which is as dry as the remainder biscuit
After a voyage, he hath strange places cramm’d
With observation, the which he vents
In mangled forms.

–As You Like It,
Act II, Scene vii
January 29

Wise Woman

She shines not upon fools,
lest the reflection should hurt her.

—Cymbeline,
Act I, Scene ii
January 26

Hell’s Kitchen

I’ll so maul you and your toasting-iron,
That you shall think the devil is come from hell.

–King John,
Act IV, Scene iii
January 21

Turnabout

Thou art as fat as butter….

Didst thou never see Titan kiss a dish of butter?

–Henry IV Part 1,
Act II, Scene iv
December 31

Drama Queen

A fickle maid full pale,
Tearing of papers, breaking rings a-twain,
Storming her world with sorrow’s wind and rain.

–A Lover’s Complaint