Hate Valentine’s Day? Sick of love? Think Sweetest Day is nothing more than a cash grab? Tired of all those worn-out declarations in fancy language? This collection is for you.

Here are some Shakespeare quotes about love that have a bit of a twist. They aren’t completely miserable, but they aren’t very nice, either. Each quotation is accompanied by a brief heading that illuminates its meaning.

Mad as Ajax

By the Lord, this love is as mad as
Ajax: it kills sheep.

–-Love’s Labour’s Lost,
Act IV, Scene iii

Worthess Valentine

This weak impress of love is as a figure
Trenched in ice, which with an hour’s heat
Dissolves to water and doth lose his form.
A little time will melt her frozen thoughts
And worthless Valentine shall be forgot.

–Two Gentlemen of Verona,
Act III, Scene ii

Shallow Romeo

O, she knew well
Thy love did read by rote and could not spell.

–Romeo and Juliet,
Act II, Scene iii

Users and Takers

They love thee not that use thee.

—Timon of Athens,
Act IV, Scene iii

Not a Swan

O omnipotent Love!
How near the god drew to the complexion of a goose!

–The Merry Wives of Windsor,
Act V, Scene v

Fickle Falsehoods

As waggish boys in game themselves forswear,
So the boy Love is perjured every where.

–A Midsummer Night’s Dream,
Act I, Scene i

Contrary

She dreams of him that has forgot her love;
You dote on her that cares not for your love.
‘Tis pity love should be so contrary.

–Two Gentlemen of Verona,
Act IV, Scene iv

Stupid

Once more I’ll mark how love can vary wit.

–Love’s Labour’s Lost,
Act IV, Scene iii

Compendium of Lies

Some thousand verses of a faithful lover,
A huge translation of hypocrisy,
Vilely compiled.

–Love’s Labour’s Lost,
Act V, Scene ii

Regret at Leisure

Or, if you borrow one another’s love for the
instant… you shall have time to
wrangle in when you have nothing else to do.

–Antony and Cleopatra,
Act II, Scene ii

Long Distance

So shall your loves
Woo contrary, deceived by these removes.

–Love’s Labour’s Lost,
Act V, Scene ii

Love a Loser

I love him for his sake;
And yet I know him a notorious liar,
Think him a great way fool, solely a coward.

–All’s Well That Ends Well,
Act I, Scene i

Exasperation

Alas, how love can trifle with itself!

–Two Gentlemen of Verona,
Act IV, Scene iv

Eaten Up By The World

…But still sweet love is food for fortune’s tooth.

–Troilus and Cressida
Act IV, Scene v

Quickly Forgotten

So the remembrance of my former love
Is by a newer object quite forgotten.

–Two Gentlemen of Verona,
Act II, Scene iv

Burdensome

Under love’s heavy burden do I sink.

–Romeo and Juliet,
Act I, Scene iv

Mistaken and Mocked

Their several counsels they unbosom shall
To loves mistook, and so be mock’d withal

–Love’s Labour’s Lost,
Act V, Scene ii

Who Cares?

I tell thee, my master is become a hot lover–
…Why, I tell thee, I care not though he burn himself
in love.

–Two Gentlemen of Verona,
Act II, Scene v

Destructive

Let thy song be love: this love will undo us all.

–Troilus and Cressida,
Act III, Scene i

Power to Wound

O, then, what graces in my love do dwell,
That he hath turn’d a heaven unto a hell!

–A Midsummer Night’s Dream,
Act I, Scene i

Wayward

Fie, fie, how wayward is this foolish love

–Two Gentlemen of Verona,
Act I, Scene ii

Underestimated

You’ll kiss me hard and speak to me as if
I were a baby still. I love you better.

–Winter’s Tale,
Act II, Scene i

Too Much

These violent delights have violent ends
And in their triumph die, like fire and powder,
Which as they kiss consume: the sweetest honey
Is loathsome in his own deliciousness
And in the taste confounds the appetite:

–Romeo and Juliet,
Act II, Scene vi

Dilemma

If love make me forsworn, how shall I swear to love?

–Love’s Labour’s Lost,
Act IV, Scene ii

Cold Fish

It was
thought she was a woman and was turned into a cold
fish for she would not exchange flesh with one that
loved her.

–Winter’s Tale,
Act IV, Scene iv

Impressionable

By love the young and tender wit
Is turn’d to folly.

–Two Gentlemen of Verona,
Act I, Scene i

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