Mean Shakespeare Quotes

Category: Sarcasm & Mockery

October 14

Fair Warning

I pray you do not fall in love with me,
For I am falser than vows made in wine;

Besides, I like you not.

–As You Like It,
Act III, Scene v
October 7

Inflammatory

Thou art a boil, a plague sore, an embossed carbuncle
in my corrupted blood… But I’ll not chide thee.

-King Lear,
Act II, Scene ii
October 5

Arch Observation

Your brows are blacker; yet black brows, they say,
Become some women best, so that there be not
Too much hair there, but in a semicircle
Or a half-moon made with a pen.

–Winter’s Tale,
Act II, Scene i
September 30

Fool’s Fancy

He that cherishes my flesh and blood
loves my flesh and blood; he that loves my
flesh and blood is my friend:
ergo, he that kisses my wife is my friend.

—All’s Well That Ends Well,
Act I, Scene iii
September 20

Fear of Commitment

Many a good hanging prevents a bad marriage.

—Twelfth Night,
Act I, Scene v
September 16

Alpha Bro

Thou art like one of those fellows that
when he enters the confines of a tavern
claps me his sword upon the table and says
‘God send me no need of thee!’
and by the operation of the second cup
draws it on the drawer,
when indeed there is no need.

—Romeo and Juliet,
Act III, Scene i
August 8

God-Tier Whiner

Thou art the Mars of malcontents.

— Merry Wives of Windsor,
Act I, Scene iii